5 Tips You Can Use to Make Dinnertime Great Again
What will the evening meal look like at your house tonight?
You may be dishing up spaghetti or chicken fajitas. Maybe your jam-packed schedule makes it challenging to put out a spread after your eight-hour workday, followed by your kids’ late afternoon soccer practice. Tonight could be Chick-fil-A sandwiches, salads – or pizza before hustling everyone off to baths, homework, and bed.
For many of us, our families tend to burn the candle at both ends. We’ve fallen prey to dinnertime trends that have been moving in one direction for several decades. When I was a kid, my stay-at-home mom had a fully set table and a family dinner ready each and every night.
My siblings and I have memories of hiding peas stealthily in napkins, hoping mom wouldn’t notice them uneaten. Dad talked about his day and asked us about school. Very traditional – and quite normal for that time. Now, many families rely on two incomes, and it’s tougher than ever to pull off the old-school dinnertime ritual. In fact, as of 2019, only about 30% of families surveyed reported regularly gathering for mealtime.1
Though understandable, given the frenetic pace of modern family life, it has cost us – a lot.
Studies reveal the price we’ve paid – because according to data from various sources, families that prioritize dinnertime together see many benefits, including healthier eating habits, increased verbal skills for little ones, decreased rates of depression, and a lowered chance of drug use and teenage pregnancy. The list is long and well documented and also points to children and teens enjoying better self-esteem and higher grades in school. Who knew that a dish of baked ziti could do all that?
Obviously, it’s not the quality of the grub – it’s the experience. Deep or light-hearted conversation, laughter, and connection with loved ones can be more nutritious than pan-seared salmon. That’s why we’re reminding ourselves – and you – of these five tips you can use to make dinnertime great again for your family!
Tip #1 Set the Stage
When dating, we carefully set our most perfect table for the person we hope to impress. The bar isn’t set nearly so high now. No need to fold the napkins like swans for our family dinner – but a little stage-setting might help.
Here’s what we mean. You may be just getting the ball rolling again for family dinners, so take a breath and start with reasonable expectations. If you have busy teens and lots of extracurricular activity happening – you may choose to begin by gathering at the table only three times per week. Establish boundaries at the start – no cell phones, tablets, or TV at dinnertime. That includes mom & dad, too!
There should be a plan for who is cooking, who is setting the table, who clears, and who helps with clean-up. It could be a mishmash of everyone pitching in on everything, or you could give each child a task to contribute to your dinner experience. It doesn’t need to be fancy – or rigidly staged; lean into the level of organization your family is comfortable with.
Pro Tip: Don’t forget to give your older kids a chance to learn to cook. Once they know how to make a few family favorites, you can assign that task to one of them when you have to work an hour late at the office.
Tip #2 Cultivate Creative Conversation
Why not take things beyond “How was your day?” and plan table topics or questions to discuss together. We thought of a few, knowing you’ll have ideas that align with your family’s interests and ages. It can be serious or silly, problem-solving or imagination driven.
- “If money was no object, where would you go on vacation – and what would you do there?”
- “Would you rather go to space or in a deep-sea submarine, and what would it be like?
- “What do you think the biggest problem is at your school, and what do you think could be done to fix it?”
- “If you could combine two animals into one, which two, and tell us three things about this new creature?” (Things like, what sound does it make? What does it eat? Where would it live? Would it make a good pet?)
Another idea would be to assign different family members to bring the “table topic” each night. That would mean that each kid would get a chance to have their interest discussed. Even easier – check out our book that does that legwork for you. It’s called Table Talk Sampler: 31 Days of Stories, Quotes, and Questions to Spark Conversation at the Dinner Table, and well, the name says it all.
Then again, you may want to keep it simple, having everyone share the highs and lows of their day. Whatever you choose, listen well and make eye contact. You are teaching your kids a fading skill in our society – courteous and engaged conversation.
Tip #3 Slow Down and Relax
In some cultures, eating is a long and leisurely activity. I remember visiting my folks who lived in Rome, Italy, when I was a college student. Sitting outdoors at a scenic restaurant one afternoon for no less than three and a half hours, I became restless because of my fast-paced American sensibilities. My mom explained that meals, time spent with family and good friends, and a nice bottle of wine are meant to be savored and never rushed.
Not so here. The pace of our lives is sometimes speeding almost out of control. Many of us suffer a decreased attention span from scrolling through reels and social media. It’s not good.
That’s why dinnertime can be an opportunity to slow things down. Make it a relaxed time to linger around the table, deepening family connection. Maybe not the three-hour model I experienced in Europe, but still, take time to listen, laugh – and reminisce together rather than clearing the table right after the last chicken nugget is gone.
Tip #4 Foster Faith and Patriotism
Consider using this time together, even one night a week, ending your meal with a Bible story or study. Without making things too formal or long and drawn-out, this can be an opportune time to talk about faith, experiences you’ve had when God showed up in a big way – or even to share prayer requests. It’s a comfortable and natural way to convey your values to the next generation.
Another idea would be to share stories from history. Use dinnertime to help your young patriots learn some of the little-known (or well-known) historical happenings and miracles that made our nation. We can point you to several resources that have engaging stories your family will love:
- The American Story: 100 True Tales from American History – Jennifer Armstrong
- Miracles in American History: 32 Amazing Stories of Answered Prayer – Susie and William Federer
- Miracles in American History, Volume Two: Amazing Faith that Shaped the Nation – Susie and William Federer
- American History Stories – Mara Pratt
If you have older kids, this is an excellent time to tackle issues of the day. Do your tweens or teens understand why we have an Electoral College? Do they have questions about the candidates or issues in an upcoming (or recent) election? The dinner table is the perfect place to dig into important topics in a compelling and memorable way. Be ready to introduce discussion questions and listen well to your kids.
We spoke with some friends on our podcast this week who are experts at turning dinnertime into a rich family experience. Ken and Linda Koldenhoven shared creative ideas for infusing faith and fun into mealtime. Their new book, Connecting Around the Table: Discover the Power of Eating Together as a Family, includes recipes, conversation starters, and faith-filled ideas you can use.
Tip #5 Be Patient with Yourself – and Your Family
Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Neither is it easy to create a whole new dinner culture in a family that has done things differently for a long time. So, if you’re among the 70% of families who don’t usually eat dinner together – it may take some ramping up. Maybe even one or two nights for family connection is where you begin, intending to get that number up to four or five times per week.
Don’t give up if things fall apart early on. Just schedule some family dinners for the next week. We all get plenty of do-overs if needed.
Try not to be legalistic or overbearing. It may take a little time to create the habit for your family. The last thing you want is your kids (or your husband) dreading a complicated and tense gathering. Keep things as light and natural as possible; and before you know it, your family will look forward to this rich time of connecting – and eating!
Dinner can be what you make it, mamas. You get to decide. It can be fancy, or you can have “cereal night.” Any way you do it, gather around the table and connect. The emotional, physical, and mental benefits for you and your kids are priceless – and worth every effort.
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