Discover the Difference: Are You Feeling the Blues, the Blahs, or Depression?
Let’s face it. Life is stressful.
Sometimes, we do a good job coping; other times, we find ourselves…well, not ourselves.
We all face emotional setbacks, and the question is, how should you approach it? Is it a passing sadness (the blues), a dry and disappointing season (the blahs), or something worse?
I should mention that my definition of the blues and the blahs are my own. No clinician is involved – so bear that in mind. It’s just a way to look at some differences and ways to fight back when difficult feelings make us – not okay. When it comes to depression, that’s a pathology, and we won’t pretend to diagnose it here. Instead, if you are concerned that you or a loved one may be suffering from depression, we urge you to seek help right away.
The stigma surrounding clinical depression is long gone. So many suffer from it, and like a dislocated collarbone, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not a failing on any level. You deserve help. You deserve to feel better.
The stats reveal that the rate of depression in women is higher than 35%, meaning that, at some point in the lives of more than a third of women, they’ll hear that diagnosis. That’s almost two out of every five of us. Those suffering a “major depressive episode” number north of 10%!
Regular people face this struggle; rich, poor, and those who come from middle-class families. Celebrities like Beyonce, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and J.K. Rowling, along with history’s heroes like Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and General William T. Sherman, all struggled with depression.
It’s important to talk about this because we want you to know that if you or any loved ones are among the many strugglers, you’re not alone – and there is hope.
When my teen daughter became depressed during her senior year, it seemed to come out of nowhere. She was a kindhearted, creative, and introverted kid who didn’t get into trouble in high school. Yet, it became evident that something was off. She had been bullied online; however, I didn’t expect the impact it had on her psyche.
Within a matter of months, she sank deeper and deeper and became suicidal. To make a three-year story much shorter, we held her close through those long, painful, numbing years of middle-of-the-night teary discussions about how she planned to do it. We sought multiple counselors, medications, and several hospitalizations. So, if any of you are hurting or have a child going through this dark valley, my heart is with you.
We want you to know, whatever you may be going through, as I said before, there is hope. I’ll share what happened to my girl in a bit. First, we’ll consider the blues, the blahs, and depression.
What Are “The Blues”?
We all get the blues. You know, a bad day, week – or year. We get splitting headaches that cause us to turn out the lights and crawl back into bed. Recurring thoughts of a friendship that went wrong or hurtful things that were said can make us feel down. We didn’t get the raise or promotion, or maybe we were excluded from a gathering of friends who purposely or inadvertently left us out.
Hurt and pain, if we can’t overcome it, could be a catalyst leading to depression, though most of the time, we just get a bad case of the blues. If you’re a musician, you write a song about loss. If you’re an artist, you paint accordingly. If you’re like me, just sad and wanting to medicate, you might turn to a bowl of Rocky Road, a glass of wine, or both.
In some ways, we can embrace the hardness of these moments, feel the feelings, have a good cry, and let out the pain. When things are better again, and we feel like celebrating – the hard days somehow make the good days much brighter.
When you are having a bad day or week, there are many ways to try to pull yourself out of the sadness. Here are a few ideas:
Talk to a friend – Most women understand the power of spilling our guts to a faithful girlfriend. Have an ugly cry and get it out!
Take a Walk – Or run, if you prefer. Work out or spend a few hours on the golf course. Extra credit for the adrenaline rush of indoor (or outdoor) skydiving.
Journal – Writing your thoughts and feelings can help you develop a clearer mind and a brighter outlook.
Hobby Lobby Therapy – Purchase 50 feet of garland and bring the holidays home. Seriously, who doesn’t feel better after purchasing a four-foot stack of fake pumpkins to fill that empty corner in your entryway – and your heart.
Pray – This is the most significant and best thing you can do when feeling down. God cares about everything that touches you, so you can talk with Him and ask for His help. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that “the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” He can undoubtedly handle even the worst case of the blues.
Understanding “The Blahs”
The blahs are more like a long-term funk that can result from unresolved disappointments. These are long, dry seasons, often yielding benefits later in our relationships, children – and even future career opportunities – but at the moment, it feels like you’re going nowhere.
The blahs may look like an unfulfilled dream. Maybe it’s a longing that persists after choosing to be a stay-at-home mom for a season rather than chasing that high-powered position in business. It’s another day in grungy clothes, cleaning spit-up off your shoulder and Cheerios out of every single crevice of the van. If being home has given you the blahs, trust me, you are investing your time and energy in a bright future for your kids and for you. You are a hero.
You might also feel these doldrums at an unsatisfying job. It takes time to earn that promotion or future opportunity – in the meantime, you feel stuck.
Maybe you are weary as you provide care to an aging loved one. The day-to-day tasks, often amid the pain of seeing a dear parent or relative lose more abilities – and memories. It’s such an important, noble, and honoring role, but it is also mentally and emotionally draining. God bless you if you are caregiving in this or a similar scenario. You are doing God’s work.
Like the blues, there are ways to help yourself physically and emotionally during the blahs. Here are a few ideas:
Share with Others – Talk to friends, letting them know how you’re feeling through this season. Often, you’ll encounter others who relate. If you have unique circumstances like caring for a disabled child or elderly loved one, consider finding support groups with your church or a local agency where others share similar burdens. Or even start your own group to find camaraderie with new friends.
Find a Way to Take a Break – Make time and plans to do something fun. Get out of town for a weekend with your friends or husband. If that seems impossible, consider who might be able to help you make it or something similar happen. Sometimes, people are willing to help but need concrete information to know what they can do.
Practice Gratitude – If you are going through a long season of feeling the blahs, consider counting your blessings. They can remind you that even during tough or tender times, there are things to be thankful for. Initially, it may seem like a robotic exercise, but it could be a game changer emotionally and spiritually.
Believe Truth and Ground Yourself – Read the Bible. It’s a great place to find accounts of those who had to wait and wait. Take Joseph. If you haven’t read his story, I highly recommend it. It’s in Genesis, and that guy went through unthinkable craziness! Think betrayal by his siblings, being sold into slavery, then falsely accused of a crime, and landing in prison for years. The good news is that he eventually rose to power and saved countless lives, but wow. I’m guessing Joseph may have experienced the blahs at some point – especially during his slavery and prison years. Talk about a long season of waiting.
Pray – This is crucial whether you have the blues, the blahs, or depression. Don’t stop talking to the Lord about what you’re going through and what you need.
Symptoms of Depression
Depression is another thing altogether. It is not to be taken lightly. The causes of depression can be physical, emotional, mental – and spiritual. Though you cannot diagnose yourself through this article, if you experience the following symptoms, we suggest you seek guidance from a doctor or counselor.
Possible symptoms (not an exhaustive list):
- Sadness that you can’t shake loose
- No longer enjoying your favorite activities
- Feeling tired, wanting to sleep too much
- Physical changes like weight gain or loss
- Self-imposed isolation
- Lack of concentration, memory problems, and difficulty making decisions
- Feeling of hopelessness
- Unrelenting numbness and feeling worthless
- Thoughts of dying
In her book Light for the Journey Through Dry Bone Valley, Patricia Boyce, PsyD, shares that depression can be caused by “chemical or hormonal imbalances, or… situational sadness due to life changes, loss, or other crisis.”
She explains, “Sadness is a normal emotion that we feel during challenging times or when facing various life stressors. When that sadness becomes intense and is accompanied by feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness, it can trigger depression, which is not exclusively an emotional issue or a medical issue.”1
If you wonder about yourself or someone you care about, we urge you to speak with someone. There is a way back, and people who care and are ready to help. If you’d like to talk confidentially with a counselor – for free – Focus on the Family offers free consultations with caring Christian counselors who can help you figure out how to find ongoing help in your area if needed. Just call 1-855-771-HELP (4357).2
The help you receive may be counseling, other therapies, medication, or a combination. Don’t worry about what that looks like at the outset. Talk with someone about what you’re feeling or about your loved one if you see troubling signs in your spouse or child. Don’t shy away from letting your family – or a trusted friend – know what you are going through.
I shared earlier about my daughter’s three-year battle with suicidal ideation and depression. She has recovered beautifully. There was a deeply spiritual element for her, and God brought an initial breakthrough after that long dark time. Then, it wasn’t over right away. She spent a year struggling out of that season. With the guidance of a medical professional, her medications slowly decreased and ended. However, some moments during that final year were bumpy, to be sure. She continues to see her counselor once or twice a month, and though she may deal with occasional blue feelings, or the blahs – depression is done. She learned to lean into the Lord, gratitude, hard work, and firm resolve. So thankful for that girl!
Postpartum Depression
It’s important to mention the pain of postpartum depression, as well, which, according to the National Library of Medicine, afflicts about one in seven women. It can manifest in the weeks and even months after giving birth. It can be as debilitating as clinical depression, with the added stress of caring for a new little one.
Again, it can be characterized by ongoing sadness, feeling bad about yourself, feeling unable to care for your child, sleep problems, anxiety, and more. If you encounter these difficulties or others, seek help to get through it and make sure your family knows that you’re suffering.
On this week’s podcast, we learned more about postpartum depression when we spoke with Lynsey Gollehon, Mrs. Virginia International 2024, about this debilitating condition.3
Mamas, you may feel blue, blah – or even face the specter of depression. Do what you can and include others in your journey. You are worth the struggle and can find hope again. Whatever you’re feeling now, please, don’t ever give up.
In Danger?
If you ever feel like you are in danger of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to call 911 for immediate assistance, or you may choose to speak with someone at 988Lifeline.org. That organization has individuals available to talk by phone, text, or chat, 24/7.
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